Question: What do you call a person who uses a concrete Irish Mandolin to vanquish multiple attackers all while wearing this? Why, someone who has followed this blog’s well-researched advice and taken all of the following classes of course! Today we bring you classes of suitably diverse price- and interest-range that you will have to take at least one of them. And if you do end up taking all five PeaTiX will give you free tickets for life.*
The following classes have been picked because they look genuinely cool and should do wonders for your small talk well after the class has ended. Let’s get didactic:
1. Bollywood Funk Dance—Basic Beginner
Cost: $85 (8 sessions)
Date: Ongoing
If you’ve never approached watching a Bollywood dance video with anything but irony, this blog suggests you look again. Look into their eyes, watch what total conviction and vivaciousness Indian dancers bring to their art; it’s almost Thriller-level in its hypnotism and celebration of movement, though instead of the funk of 40,000 years this class offers the funk of modern, “heart pumping” and socially practical Indian dance moves. The Bollywood Funk studios claim the class is not just a class, but “an experience,” which we can totally buy.
2. Introduction to Concrete
Cost: $230 (2 sessions)
Date: Thursday, August 29th
This blog hasn’t always been so kind to concrete, but today we officially reverse our stance. “Concrete is a timeless material of elegance and strength” reads the description of the class, and who would argue? For the best $230 you’ll ever spend, you will take home two finished pieces of your own concrete to cherish and hand down for generations.
3. Irish Mandolin
Cost: $145 (8 sessions)
Date: Starting September 19th
Being Irish is cool again, and nothing symbolizes Ireland’s resurgent cultural okay-ness than the Mandolin. It’s a string instrument that brings to mind no particular personality association like the haughtiness of the guitar or quiet Asianness of the violin. In other words, when you start playing the Mandolin you can be who you are and do what you want, basically defining and blazing a path for the instrument yourself. Which is pretty cool, as is the instructor of this class, who is THE originator of the Irish Tenor Banjo Program in New York.
4. Krav Maga (level 1)
Cost: $20 for first class
Date: Ongoing
The instructor for this class, Tsahi, “continuously trains new instructors, government agencies and special operation-teams worldwide.” So that’s the first reason you should take his class. The second: crime has seen a decline in New York, which definitely means it is poised for a comeback. And when crime comes back to New York, will you know Krav Maga or not? If the latter is your answer, don’t worry, no assailant would dare touch a victim with a formidable enough #5 Fascinator:
5. Millinery Workshop: Fascinators
Cost: $114 (1 sessions)
Date: Sunday, August 25
Of all the classes listed here, this is the one where I was like, “whaaat is that”. After a quick search that turned into a less quick perusal of some entrancing fascinator work, it turns out fascinators are the head accessories that the rich and famous wear to make themselves look more attractive to birds and cameras. As far as I can tell no male has ever worn a fascinator, which is why I’m so keenly on the verge of signing up for this and starting the revolution and/or a happy life with a loving and supportive emu somewhere abroad.
*JKLol
