This March, Peatix dives into the International Women’s Day theme of ‘Inspiring Inclusion’ by shining the spotlight on communities in Japan and Singapore who through their work and mission, have been championing the inclusion of Women and lowering barriers to support resources.
In our second interview of the series, we speak with Natsumi Suzuki, President of Mothers Update, a women-led community with a mission to empower Mothers to lead more enjoyable and fulfilling lives. The community also serves to connect Mothers alike, who may sometimes find the journey to parenting a difficult and lonely one, and to provide some comfort and assurance that they are not alone.
Having grown up in a single-parent home, Natsumi wanted to challenge the idea that certain activities are out of bounds for mothers, which led to her starting the community in 2019.
Q: Hi Natsumi, thanks for joining us today! Can you give us a quick summary of what Mothers Update hopes to do?
A: This year marks the 5th anniversary of our activities based on the philosophy of “making mothers more interesting”. Our philosophy has two meanings: first, to make our own lives more interesting, and second, to make the image of mothers in society more interesting.
We are a community of about 200 members from all over Japan (and some overseas), and most of our activities take place online.
Q: What led to you starting this community and why is this important to you?
A: There are two main reasons: one was through my personal life lessons growing up and the other was the societal issues I was sensing.
For the former, growing up in a single-mother household has led me to observe for myself, what it’s like to be tied down by an ideal expectation of how a mother ought to act and behave. This had played a big role in influencing my parenting style, which I realised was hindering me from living life and doing the things I wanted to do.
My son is currently 9 but I remember how after returning to work from Maternity leave, something sparked as I realised the conundrum facing mothers as primary caregivers in Japanese households has not changed in the past 30 years, since I was a kid.
As for the social issue, it was the realisation that there is a tendency for people to think that they have to resolve parenting-related problems and challenges on their own. With the concept of community neighbourhoods phasing out and the nuclear family being the norm, it’s indicating that “orphaned parenting” is becoming a social problem and I hope that with this platform, mothers can be connected to render the support that’s needed.
Q: How has this community helped with inspiring mothers? Have you noticed any changes in the lives and work of the members?
A: We see quite a range of mothers with different profiles within the community, both working mums to stay-at-home moms (SAHMs) across regions, with kids of varying ages. There are plenty of inspiring stories of how this network of support has helped to empower their lives.
For example, we have an early member of the community who’s a SAHM living in Tohoku. She would occasionally attend our events casually but with the support and encouragement she’s found, she is now actively involved in NPO activities to help spread sex education throughout Japan.
Mothers, whether it’s a result of our maternal instinct or societal expectations that lead to us assuming the role of the family’s primary caregiver, are often met with ‘Mother’s Guilt’, regardless of the choice we make. For SAHM, it’s the guilt of being not good enough because they do not work while working moms face the guilt of not being adequate because they are deemed not to spend enough time with their child. By bringing together mothers of different circumstances and environments, I think their commonalities have also helped alleviate these feelings of guilt by realising that they are not alone in this.
Q: The theme for this year’s International Women’s Day is “Inspire Inclusion”. How do you continuously ensure that members feel safe and a sense of belonging in this community?
A: We have only one rule, and that is not to deny anyone of their feelings and opinions. There will be instances where we find it hard to agree with differing views but I believe the key is not for you to force yourself into thinking there can only be one right answer. Embrace that everyone is different and just as you have your views, they are entitled to theirs too.
Also, it’s common in any community for the more seasoned or outspoken members to dominate conversations which may be intimidating for newer members to speak up. We are hence very mindful of this and continuously work to create space for anyone to share their issues and if they happen to just need support without feeling comfortable to participate in any activities or conversations, that’s perfectly fine too.
Q: Interestingly, the Mothers Update community is not a community of mothers bound together by their children, but rather, a community of women who connect and identify with each other as individuals. Can you give us an example of what that may look like?
A: In the years after becoming a mother, I realized that people were no longer addressing me by my nickname and there were also increasingly fewer opportunities to interact with others as myself. Many members mourn a similar loss of identity. Hence in this community, we make it a point to address each other by our maiden or nicknames, and this alone has been such a refreshing need and empowering change for many of us. In this space free of labels and expectations, members are expected to just be themselves and nothing else.
Q: For mothers struggling with the loss of an identity, what would you like to say to them?
A: Don’t deny yourself of what you used to be, just because you’re growing into a new role.
Above all, love and prioritise yourself. That is not a selfish act because only by understanding what it means to love yourself, you will have the capacity to treat others with the same love and kindness.
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Find out more about the Mothers Update Community at their Peatix Page or website (available in Japanese only).
