Peatix recently received a gigantic 500-piece box of hot-off-the-press drink koozies, the third most exciting thing that happened here this week (the other two being

Minja’s staggeringly cool new haircut, and Bruno Mars’s Peatix event). Anyway, our hands are warm for the first time in months.

And when we get something of this swag magnitude—swagnitude—we then go compulsively blog about it. So it is that we present some really killer custom swag ideas that will inspire brand loyalty like you can scarcely imagine.

1. KOOZIE

Just to reiterate. Koozies have been incredibly underrepresented in our society. But think about it—human hands were never meant to come in contact with cold glass. We probably evolved drinking out of stone cups or something. So it just makes pretty sound biological sense that there should be a buffer between hands and drinks.

Where to get custom koozies: Custom Ink

2. THE IPHONE AMPLIFIER

Okay, yes, so it’s a novelty. But what if at some point you’re on speakerphone, and it just isn’t quite loud enough. And the phone call is important. And oh wait there was that silly phone amplifier you got back at that convention last year that you stuffed in your bag and forgot about. Do consider adding some iPhone amplifier to your company’s swag diet:

Where to get custom iPhone amplifiers: US Imprints

3. TOOTHBRUSHES

This blog is about to reveal to you a secret that has lain dormant for generations: toothbrushes are among the worst waste of advertising space on earth. Most people have to wait 6 months to see a dentist to get a new toothbrush, which may have the practice’s name printed on it or nothing at all. It’s mostly just pure capitalistic idiocy. But give out toothbrushes—toothbrushi?—with your company’s logo in it, and it will be forever associated with a fresh, minty smell and the satisfaction of a brushing well done.

Where to get custom toothbrushes: Yumaki

4. SOCKS

Unlike toothbrushes, there is no sock equivalent of the dentist to visit, so socks aren’t automatically taken care of in the life of a person. Why not help them out:

Where to get customized socks: Etsy, of course

5. Ironic bonus! Custom fanny pack

Fanny packs have been fairly maligned in our culture: they’re irredeemably ridiculous. But that doesn’t mean they still can’t provide an ironic-joy to potential customers, who, although they may not wear the fanny pack, will always think of you whenever they see one in the wild.

Where to get ironic custom fannypack: Etsy, of course, again

You could have the best company in the world, but if all you have to give away is pens and usb keychains, you might as well be, um…a way worse company.