When the world wakes up next weekend, perhaps still half in costume, perhaps next to another half-costumed bumble bee or something, will they have enjoyed your Halloween party? Will the regrets from the night before be regrets they remember and treasure the rest of their lives, or will your guests actually just plain straight up regret attending your party?

Some good news: By stumbling on to this blog post you are well on your way to creating regrets that will last a lifetime. Some even better news: putting on a fabulous Halloween party is not really so difficult—it doesn’t take designer spider webs or a metric shitton of dry ice. What it does take, however, is a well placed, topical and creative THEME.

Themes tie a party together, they inspire competition, and above all, they give lazy guests an extra hand in coming up with and creating a costume, thus motivating them to actually attend. What follows are several themes that will galvanize the hell out of a Halloween party, while making those highly sought-after regrets all the more attainable.

1. Inanimate objects from “Breaking Bad”

It will be all too easy to get ahold of a yellow lab suit this Halloween, and besides, the meth trade provides for so much better fodder. For instance, you and a friend could be the RV:

Or Walter Jr.’s—err, shit, sorry—Flynn’s breakfast:

Or Hector Salamanca (for the most part an inanimate object):

Or, for a group of friends, the various parts of a meth lab:

Contest Idea: Stage a “Who does the best Skylar White in a rage impression?”

2. Epidemic Party

At an epidemic-themed party, everyone would have to dress up as their favorite epidemic plaguing our society. Obesity and guns come immediately to mind, though your guests may very well get all creative with it—some maybe dressing up as Republicans, or the Kardashians, or cupcakes too large to take a reasonable bite out of without unhinging your jaw.

3. Wrecking Ball theme

This is really just an excuse to get naked for a night. Particularly well suited for an exhibitionist clique, the Wrecking Ball theme should be employed when there is a wall or entire building in need of demolition. Or if there is no such wall, you might consider buying some dry wall and a few hammers, cranking Miley all the way, and having your naked guests go to absolute town. You could even film it and make a sort of tribute video.

Costume options: Nothing, a wrecking ball, Miley and a sledgehammer suit (for couples)

4. Potluck Cannibals

This idea ensures that each guest is fully invested in and has given serious thought to his or her potluck dish. Follow me on this: everyone brings a main course, dessert, ect. But then everyone dresses up as the dish he/she brought. Then you would get, for instance, a lasagna eating her own lasagna, a bread pudding eating a bread pudding, or a lazy cheese platter eating a lazy cheese platter. This theme does really well with the costume-reluctant crowd, who would have to actually contribute human flesh to the pot should they forego a costume.

5. Organisms more than 500 million years old

About 500 million years ago the first fish and proto-amphibians appeared on earth. Before that, however, there was a glorious veritable wealth of Halloween costume inspiration. Take note of the graptolithinians:

Or the agnathans (jawless fish):

Drinking game idea: Give everyone one minute to memorize all of the periods in the Paleozoic Era, then go around in a circle and have everyone name a period, and if someone forgets everyone drinks!

And of course you would be able to sexify any of these themes (sexy RV, sexy jawless fish, and so on). Just remember, theme is KEY. Generic Halloween party: bad. Themed Halloween party: good. Sexy bunny: lame. Sexy lasagna: great. Go forth!